I am an avid chocolate lover. A lover of sweets of any kind really. Chocolate, cupcakes, brownies, cookies...you see where I'm going with this. I've always had a sweet tooth and have never gone without some sort of sweet delishiciousness, unless I've been too sick to consume anything. So I felt like I needed an intervention of sorts, which is why I decided to give up my addiction to chocolate, sugar, sweets, and any yummy delishicousness for Lent. Like a heroine addict giving up heroine (my father-in-laws response to my dedication), a smoker giving up cigarettes, Tiger Woods giving up Ambien induced sexual escapades with nasty stripper type woman..this will be the hardest thing I have ever done! I love sugar and all that is made from it. It fuels my life...and I gave it up for 40 days and nights. What the fuck was I thinking? So you guessed it I'm a raging bitch!
The challenge has been a 'plan in the making' because I have taken this love of desserts to an epic level. My husband brought home a package of chips ahoy cookies, which we never have in the house, not because I don't love cookies, but because I will eat them all if they are in the house. I proved my theory right - if cookies are in the house they will be consumed at an unhealthy speed. I managed to eat almost the entire package in 2 days while I sat in bed reading "Twilight" (I KNOW! How great are those books! If you roll your eyes at that it's because you haven't read them!). I began eating the cookies like they were popcorn, one right after another. I tried to be nice and save my husband a few, you know since he bought them so I left them near our bed. That night we were watching a movie and he said "Can you hand me the cookies?" Of course I could because I'm the best wife ever and I save my husband some cookies! I toss him the package and settle back into my cozy spot next to him. He opens the package and says "What the hell happened to all the cookies?" My response "Oh I ate some while I was reading, but I saved you a few." "A few?" Shake, shake, shake of the package to reveal 1/2 of a cookie, a few chocolate chips and some crumbs. "You ate the ENTIRE package?" "No of course not. You had some before I even ate any." I said. "Ok so say I ate 6 cookies out of the package that would mean you ate 32 cookies in 2 days." he said. To which I responded "Damn that's pretty impressive!" followed by hysterical laughter. After that it's been a joke around the house with Bert leaving packages of cookies on my bedside table and changing my nickname to "cookie monster"...asshole! So I finally decided I needed an intervention after consuming 4 homemade cinnamon rolls (not the pillsbury kind, the kind you ACTUALLY make from scratch with 14 sticks of butter and 5 pounds of sugar) and 3 cupcakes (from a box) in one day all because it started to snow and it seemed like a good idea. Who doesn't think "wow it's snowing out, let me get comfy, grab a cup of coffee, sit on the couch and dive face first into a diabetic coma?"
I started the challenge 6 days ago. At first it wasn't so hard because I was sick with meningitis...well really a sinus headache (but my 'hobby' of self diagonsis will become a blog I'm sure, but for now I digress!) and food of any kind just did not seem to appeal to me. Now that I am back on the mend I am having constant withdraws! My obsession is getting so bad I'm actually dreaming about eating desserts. Who does that?
So what does my sweet supportive husband do.....he opens the brand new box of chips ahoy cookies, that he asked me to get from the store earlier knowing full well that I couldn't eat them (Yes..I know I AM a good wife.) In hindsight I should have replied "How about I punch you in the junk and save ourselves some time". He proceeds to open the package of cookies and the smell immediately whafts into my face. Already I'm like a shark smelling blood in the water! It's all I can do to stay strong and he turns to me and says "I don't know how you can give these up. They are the most amazing cookies I've ever eaten. They are so light and airy it's like you're not even eating anything so I don't feel guilty. I mean even the chocolate chips are like tiny bits of heaven!" I said "Well I'm so glad that you like them because I you can have sex with them since you are now giving that up for Lent!" Suck on that bitch!
